Dear Future Husband (Meghan Trainor… parody? rewrite?)

This is something fun that I decided I would do. I’m going to put the original lyrics to the left… strike them out… then write my meaning to the right. This is going to be a letter to my future husband, Zach. We’ve lived together for two years now so we kind of know what to expect.

Dear Future Husband
Hopefully he doesn’t kill me for posting this 😉

Dear future husband
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only all my life survive being with me all our lives

(Awwwww)
Take me on a date Play video games with me
I deserve it, babe We deserve it
And don’t forget the flowers every anniversary … June 26th, Proposed July 25th, 2015, Married September 18th, 2016 … You’re welcome.
‘Cause if you’ll treat me right You always treat me right.
I’ll be the perfect wife
Buying groceries
Buy-buying what you need shiny toys like new RAM and grenadine

You got that 9 to 5 I got that business
But, baby, so do I and I have an 8 to 5
So don’t be thinking I’ll be home and baking apple pies But I’ll still make you dinner and always surprise
I never learned to cook I have cooked for years
But I can write a hook and do a million other things
Sing along with me Cook with me
Sing-sing along with me (hey) Re-relax with me

You gotta know how to treat me like a lady I’m sorry I have anxiety and depression
Even when I’m acting crazy It’s called a fucking mental illness, k?
Tell me everything’s alright … and hold my hand. (and thank you!)

(Awwwww)
Dear future husband,
Here’s a few things you‘ll need to know if you wanna be already know
My one and only all my life To survive being with me the rest of ourlives
Dear future husband,
If you wanna get that special lovin’
Tell me I’m beautiful each and every night Just snuggle me and don’t complain if we’re both too tired (heh)

After every fight
Just apologize … and so will I
And maybe then I’ll let you try and rock my body right (right) We’ll both feel better and relaxed, trust me
Even if I was wrong We both know we were both wrong
[Laugh] You know I’m never wrong We always are both wrong (and right)
Why disagree? miscommunicate?
Why, why disagree? miscommunicate?

Skipping a few verses because they repeat

I’ll be sleeping on the left side of the bed … because we just swapped last month
Open doors for me and you might get some kisses will get hugs and kisses (and a fucking thank you)
Don’t have a dirty mind … because so do I?
Just be a classy guy
Buy me a ring You bought me a ring
Buy-buy me a ring (babe) Even though you didn’t have to

Skipping a few verses because they repeat

Future husband, better love me right Zach, you always love me right<3

Okay, I know that might have been a bit cheesy but I really hate that song. It’s very one sided, which a relationship is not. So I fixed it up a bit to reflect some of our relationship. We do many other things and a song can’t sum that up.

I also did this because it is only SIX MONTHS until we get married! Also, it makes him re-read this to find out anniversary dates! 😉

Keep calm,

Epic