Pre-therapy thoughts | Therapy Diary Entry 01

Music: Panic! At The Disco – Hallelujah/New Perspective/Whatever other Panic! came on YouTube while writing this

Mood: Anxious/Excited/More Anxious

I’m really nervous. I’ve told various people, and by various people I mean Zach, Hannah, and Leah, that I’m nervous. My first therapy session is today, March 6th. I’ve been working up to this day for about two years ago. Okay, a year and a half. I was looking into therapy two years ago when I realized that I was dealing with really bad anxiety and then realized I actually had depression. Who knew, right? I have opened up on my blog about all of this. That’s actually the main reason I started my blog, mental health! Here’s all of the links for all of those wonder full mental health journey things.

My SSRI Journey (Depression/Medication)

Depression doesn’t mean you can’t be happy

Dear Diary … (during a panic attack)

All of my mental health posts

Now back to today, therapy. I’ve been working towards it. It’s been weird. I have kind of pushed it off, but that’s okay. It wasn’t until now that I have made the realization, thanks to Dodie, Shana, and Tessa, that yes, therapy is for everyone but if you think it isn’t, it’s for two reasons. 1. You’re not open to it OR 2. you haven’t found the right therapist. Over the last two years, I have become open to therapy. These three YouTubers are major reasons WHY I’ve become open to it, and Molly. Thanks! Hannah, you’re a huge reason to. We feed off of each other. We motivate each other, so yay.

How did I find my therapist?

I’m anxious. I hate phone calls. Phone calls make me anxious. The thought of calling a dozen therapists to maybe make an appointment is even MORE nerve wrecking, so that definitely made me think no. I did that to one or two places a couple years ago … they had no openings and definitely wasn’t motivating. Another unmotivating thing was expenses, ugh. So what I did was go to and typed in my location. I searched by my insurance and then by female only. I thought that I would be more comfortable with female therapists versus a male one. That’s just what I figured and that’s okay. The great thing about the internet (and this site) is that it allowed me to email all of the therapists directly. They do have phone numbers but definitely opted for the emailing option. I emailed only the people I thought I would click with the first weekend. I didn’t get any responses … so the second weekend, I emailed everyone and apologized if I thought I emailed them prior. I just sent a short, concise email, which you can see below

“From: Kayla Cox
Subject: Looking for therapist

Hello, I’m looking for a therapist. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I need additional help and finally am open to therapy. Thanks.”

That’s all I sent. I didn’t want to overwhelm them. I got a reply back from one therapist by email and one by phone. Even though I got an appointment with one of the first two respondents, all of the later responses haven’t had openings but have offered referrals, which is awesome.


In reality, this was a selfish post, but I hope you got something out of it too. You’re probably wondering, how is it selfish? Well, it was just written to release all of my anxiety (PS, that’s a coping method, WRITE YOUR FEELINGS DOWN), but I know I’ve gotten a lot of benefit from seeing that others are going to therapy and moving forward and I also feed off of others, so maybe you can feed off of me, you leech. I mean that in the most loving way. <3

I hope you’re feeling wonderful today. If not, here’s all the positive vibes in the world and I hope you feel better. I’ll let you know how therapy goes … probably in a couple sessions, maybe after this one, I don’t know.


In the mean time, keep calm and stay epic,


Music: None
Mood: Calmed down