Pre-therapy thoughts | Therapy Diary Entry 01

Music: Panic! At The Disco – Hallelujah/New Perspective/Whatever other Panic! came on YouTube while writing this

Mood: Anxious/Excited/More Anxious

I’m really nervous. I’ve told various people, and by various people I mean Zach, Hannah, and Leah, that I’m nervous. My first therapy session is today, March 6th. I’ve been working up to this day for about two years ago. Okay, a year and a half. I was looking into therapy two years ago when I realized that I was dealing with really bad anxiety and then realized I actually had depression. Who knew, right? I have opened up on my blog about all of this. That’s actually the main reason I started my blog, mental health! Here’s all of the links for all of those wonder full mental health journey things.

My SSRI Journey (Depression/Medication)

Depression doesn’t mean you can’t be happy

Dear Diary … (during a panic attack)

All of my mental health posts

Now back to today, therapy. I’ve been working towards it. It’s been weird. I have kind of pushed it off, but that’s okay. It wasn’t until now that I have made the realization, thanks to Dodie, Shana, and Tessa, that yes, therapy is for everyone but if you think it isn’t, it’s for two reasons. 1. You’re not open to it OR 2. you haven’t found the right therapist. Over the last two years, I have become open to therapy. These three YouTubers are major reasons WHY I’ve become open to it, and Molly. Thanks! Hannah, you’re a huge reason to. We feed off of each other. We motivate each other, so yay.

How did I find my therapist?

I’m anxious. I hate phone calls. Phone calls make me anxious. The thought of calling a dozen therapists to maybe make an appointment is even MORE nerve wrecking, so that definitely made me think no. I did that to one or two places a couple years ago … they had no openings and definitely wasn’t motivating. Another unmotivating thing was expenses, ugh. So what I did was go to and typed in my location. I searched by my insurance and then by female only. I thought that I would be more comfortable with female therapists versus a male one. That’s just what I figured and that’s okay. The great thing about the internet (and this site) is that it allowed me to email all of the therapists directly. They do have phone numbers but definitely opted for the emailing option. I emailed only the people I thought I would click with the first weekend. I didn’t get any responses … so the second weekend, I emailed everyone and apologized if I thought I emailed them prior. I just sent a short, concise email, which you can see below

“From: Kayla Cox
Subject: Looking for therapist

Hello, I’m looking for a therapist. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I need additional help and finally am open to therapy. Thanks.”

That’s all I sent. I didn’t want to overwhelm them. I got a reply back from one therapist by email and one by phone. Even though I got an appointment with one of the first two respondents, all of the later responses haven’t had openings but have offered referrals, which is awesome.


In reality, this was a selfish post, but I hope you got something out of it too. You’re probably wondering, how is it selfish? Well, it was just written to release all of my anxiety (PS, that’s a coping method, WRITE YOUR FEELINGS DOWN), but I know I’ve gotten a lot of benefit from seeing that others are going to therapy and moving forward and I also feed off of others, so maybe you can feed off of me, you leech. I mean that in the most loving way. <3

I hope you’re feeling wonderful today. If not, here’s all the positive vibes in the world and I hope you feel better. I’ll let you know how therapy goes … probably in a couple sessions, maybe after this one, I don’t know.


In the mean time, keep calm and stay epic,


Music: None
Mood: Calmed down

  • Kay

    I hope you’re proud of yourself Kayla!! It takes a huge amount of courage to schedule an appointment and work to find a therapist you like. As a fellow anxiety sufferer who at one time massively struggled with this same thing, I totally relate. Be proud, and I hope you clicked well with the therapist!

    • I really am and I appreciate your support (and everyone else’s). It’s definitely taken a lot of steps to get here but I also know I NEEDED to take those steps because if I didn’t, it really wouldn’t have worked and it would’ve taken even more to try therapy again. The therapist and I didn’t clash, so that’s good. I think we’ll work out. I think it will take a few sessions for me to know if we actually click just because I know I still had a wall up and it was just the “get to know me” session, in a sense. It went well though.

  • Heather

    *hugs* I am so proud of you, as I am of anyone who makes this first step. I know how hard it is to do and I think it’s great you found somewhere you could contact therapists by email. Talking on the phone is a problem many people with anxiety have, and it’s silly that places designed to help don’t take that into consideration.

    I hope it went well and will be keeping track of your posts and progress, always here to talk if you need!

    • *hugs* Thank you! Honestly, I don’t count this as a “first step”. Yes, it’s the first step in a new chapter, but I definitely took many steps prior to get here.
      I love that I could email them and I know it would have taken me even longer if I couldn’t have. That’s why I wanted to share it with everyone that YES, you CAN email them. There’s also a suicide chat line now that you can IM, which I think it awesome. I think there’s a text line as well, so you don’t have to just call in to the hotline, which is amazing. I frequently share a list of resources on my page and facebook that have all of those! (:

      I appreciate the support, thanks!

  • Nothing wrong with a selfish post. I haven’t done regular and often therapy, only crisis therapy and group therapy. I hope you find what works best for you!

    • Thank you! I hope me being selfish also helps others! I’ve never done any sort of therapy, so this is definitely out of the norm for me all together. It will be a regular schedule though, probably once or twice a month depending on her (and my) schedule availability.

  • Nothing wrong with being selfish! I’m very proud of you for seeking additional help! I finally found help after the death of my mother. I’m in counseling rather than talking to a therapist but we do a lot of exercises to help me cope and heal during this bereavement process.

    • Thank you! I’m really hoping that my selfishness also helps others. I’m proud of you for finding help. What’s the difference between counseling and therapy?

      • Honestly, I have no idea!

        • From a quick search, I’m finding that both are licensed professionals. Counseling is more short term. Therapy has some components that counseling has but also has additional services … so more long term?